A personal word

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I love fallen away Catholics. You know, the ones who haven´t been to Mass or confession in years. I mean it, I love them. Thats because I used to be one. I drifted away, and drifted along, peacefully until …

 

I went to work one day and one of the guys I worked with said, ¨You look jaundiced.¨ I went directly to the boss and told him I needed to leave, I needed to go to the local ER. You see, the guy who made the comment wasn´t known for his observational abilities. If he said I looked sick, well, I was sick. They drew blood at the hospital and I relaxed in a chair while waiting for the results. I was tired so I leaned back and closed my eyes. In a few minutes I heard footsteps, the ER doctor coming to tell me what they´ed found. I waited until I knew he was there with me before I bothered opening my eyes. He was standing over me, a young doctor with a look of horror on his face. I realized in an instant that when he saw me laid back with my eyes closed, well, he thought I was dead. I said, ¨It isn´t good, is it?¨ Even dead I have humor. It turned out that I had one forth the normal amount of blood left in my body. I ought not have been conscious at that point. At the rate my stomach ulcers were bleeding I´d have died within the next day or so. Blood transfusions and 6 days in hospital. No big deal.

 

Two weeks later I´m back for a week and more blood. But the ulcers aren´t bleeding anymore. What gives? Well, the bone marrow has shut down and my body isn´t making blood any more. So it wasn´t just ulcers. Great. Now what? Go to a specialist, more tests, more results, and I have … terminal cancer. OK. I call friends and give everything I own away, keeping just enough to be able to die in comfort. I have a friend who´ll come get the cat when I die. I start doing chemo. Boy, that´ll make you wish you were dead. I was so sick, and fully expected to die in a few weeks. I was so weak, both in body and spirit, that I couldn´t tolerate anything negative. I couldn´t fight things like that off. I couldn´t even watch TV, it all seemed so hurtful. Then one night, in desperation, I channel surfed. Ahh, a Catholic priest teaching catechism on EWTN. Oh, I can watch this. I mean, I know all this already. Its benign enough. Simple entertainment to take my mind off my illness. And I listened. And I started to cry. And I made up my mind. A few days later I´d made an appointment …

 

¨Father, I need to make a confession.¨ ¨After Mass on Monday morning. Its at 8:30. We´ll go to the rectory at 9, OK?¨ ¨Yes Father, I´ll be there.¨ Monday morning, its about 8:15. I wait. Its raining and ice is forming. Its not safe to drive. I continue to wait. The walk down to the church was slippery. I told myself I´d get down on my rear end and slide if thats what I had to do to get there. The church door was locked. I wait. Mass has been canceled. I call Father. He´s in the rectory in the back. I don´t think he could believe any one would come out in that weather. I make my way around the back and … Two hours later, I was back. Back in the grace of God. I didn´t care how sick I was or how cold it was or anything else. I was back.

 

Now I have to tell you, as dramatic as all this may sound, I do NOT recommend it. Better to never leave. There is no way of knowing for sure that a person will make it back. Better to stay. But I write this in the hopes that some one will read it and either come home or, better yet, stay home. I know that it was by God´s grace I made it back. And I know that it was via the prayers and intercession of my patron saint, St. Jude, that God´s grace touched me. I know this now even though I didn´t realize it when I first went to hospital. The day I walked into the ER? It was the feast day of St. Jude. Impossible causes? Not in God´s economy. The cancer? I´m in remission currently. All of the tests, and they´re on going, well, I´m one of the healthiest dead guys my doctors have ever seen. I could live for days, months, or years. The length of life isn´t the point of life. The point of life is to love and serve God here, now. From that point on He takes care of eternity.