The Nature of True and Lasting Disability

Wonderful topic. I have lots of ’em. Allow me to share … I have, according to the chiropractor, three shot discs. Lower back, mid back, upper back. The one in my lower back is the worst. An M.D. told me that surgery was not an option, probably make it worse, maybe put me in a wheelchair. Five to ten pounds of lifting is my limit, and there are times when that’s too much. Regular chiropractic adjustments seem to help keep things in line. I have nerve damage in the left leg and the right foot. Pinched nerves as per the shot discs. Not so bad currently, I can still feel them. I do require a cane to walk. A little worrisome though. If the numbness gets worse its conceivable that if I cut myself there I’d not know it. That thought is rather scary. I’m legally blind in one eye. Glasses take care of that. I have stomach ulcers brought on years ago by a stomach virus. No big deal really, a simple medication and a watchful eye on my diet ( not so many hot peppers ) keep the ulcers at bay. They are, however, a concern due to my cancer. One of the ways you die with CLL ( chronic lymphocytic leukemia ) is internal bleeding that they can’t stop. So there is the CLL to tend to. To date chemo has put that into remission. Remission is not cure. It’s still there, lurking in the background some place. One side effect, a lasting one, of the chemo has been high blood pressure. Medication takes care of this too although it needs to be tweaked fairly often. The chemo seems to have done a lasting job on my stamina also. It has become non-existent. And what little there is remaining seems to be waning. So I’ve learned to pace myself. Over, and over, and over. I can walk a few feet at times and be out of breath. No way of telling when or where this will happen so I tend to stick close to home. About 15 or 20 minutes worth of anything is about all I can stand. Theres water retention for whatever reason. Another pill takes care of this also. The first medication I took for this caused horrendous cramps which threatened to put my back out. That was an entertaining period. I have allergies. One ingredient in some hand lotion makes me turn bright red, itch all over, difficult to breathe and if I don’t get the right med fast, well, some other rather unpleasant symptoms kick in. My body trying to throw off the violating substance. Sometimes, even getting the med in time, this wipes me out for several days. Then there’s my right rotator cup that was crushed years ago. Caught it between a door facing and an upright piano while moving the piano. Never did learn how to play the piano. At its worst I have to use my left hand to lift my right hand above gut level. Chiropractic helps with this too. My knee, the right one, is odd. Takes very funny x-rays. An M.D. showed me the x-ray once and said, “Ever see anything like that before?” I used to work at a hospital and am familiar with x-rays. I said, “No.” He replied, “Me either. Take care of it. If it gets worse it’ll require surgery.” Back to the chiropractor. Then, my own diagnosis here because no doctor has told me this, but I think I have a touch of chemo brain. A little like an alcoholic wet brain. I just don’t think like I used to. I forget. A lot. I mean a lot a lot. But I’ve learned that I only need remember two things: #1: Write it down. #2: Remember where you wrote it down. So I keep a personal calendar and adhere to a routine that takes memory, in large degree, out of the equation. Simple enough. This isn’t exactly the entire list. I had a surgery as a result of a side effect to a med I took because the chemo would stop my immune system and I’d need that med to kick-start the immune system again. I won’t even go into that. Suffice it to say, “Ouch.” A few days ago I found out I have a sleep/breathing disorder. I go to hospital next week to have a test run. Probably get to sleep with a machine after that, but I’m hoping for another ( underline “another” ) pill instead. ( Hmmm. My Grandmother used to tell me I was a “pill”. Maybe this is pay back? lol ) And there are a couple other things that are just to personal to post. *sigh* Know what? I’ve had folks say, “Oh, I’ll pray God heals you.” Know what I say? “Oh, please don’t do that. If you want to pray for me pray that I go in the right direction when I die. Pray I die a holy death. I’m gonna die at some time anyway. What good would it do me to be healed and live another twenty years if I die and go to hell?” Now THAT would be disabled. 😉

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Published in: on May 26, 2011 at 5:14 pm  Comments Off on The Nature of True and Lasting Disability