Why me, Lord?

I think everyone asks that question at one time or another. The circumstances surrounding the query vary but the question never does. I ask it myself on a regular basis. I look at my life, past and present, and feel obligated to ask, “Why me, Lord?” My take has changed over the past several years. Earlier on in my life I’d ask because of the bad that happened. Slowly (underscore “slowly”, capitalize it, put it in italics, and add lots of exclamation marks after it) I was given to understand that the bad stuff happened because my own bad actions precipitated these. I learn. Again … slowly. But for some time now I have been confronted not by the bad in life but by the unmerited (see above comment after the word “slowly” and do all that all over again) good and am prompted to ask yet again but under entirely different circumstances … “Why me, Lord?” ‘Cause I know what I deserve and this ain’t it. And no, I am not down on myself. I like me. But I’m not dishonest with myself concerning my own sinfulness either. Being down on self is one thing, denial is another. Honest self-evaluation works best. You know, a good examination of conscience. St. Benedict is my friend. He was/is very wise and kind. I think it’s a family trait. Anyway, in his Rule, chp. 34, he discusses the right distribution of goods amongst the brothers in the monastery. He writes:

It is written: Distribution was made to each one as he had need (Acts 4:35). By this we do not imply that there should be favoritism – God forbid – but rather consideration for weaknesses. Whoever needs less should thank God and not be distressed, but whoever needs more should feel humble because of his weakness, not self-important because of the kindness shown him.

Ah, now that’s it. I’m not treated well because I’m deserving. I’m treated well because I’m NOT deserving. I’m weak and need the extra care because I’d not make it otherwise. God knows that. God is Love, and Jesus loves even me. So he puts forth what I perceive as the extra effort to love even more such a unlovable one as me. His mercy knows no bounds, his love no conditions. He told St. Faustina that the greater the sinner the greater that persons right to his mercy. It’s not about being deserving. It’s about being weak and needy. And, most importantly, it’s about him being a big enough God to do for me, because I am needy and because he is Love, what I’m not able to do for myself. Hmm … So that’s “Why me?”… “Because Him, that’s why.” 😉

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Published in: on April 10, 2011 at 8:53 am  Comments Off on Why me, Lord?